INVERGORDON’S DESTRUCTIVE INITIATIVE?

“What I want,” she said

“Is to start up a voluntary undemocratic group in the town.” “What ever for, don’t you think we have enough separatists in Invergordon”? I asked. “That’s exactly why I want to set up the Invergordon’s Destruction Initiative. The town’s f- - ked anyway, (She was quite a modern miss) so if I add the new group’s weight to the melee it will quicken the final demise of businesses and the shambolic stretch that is known as Invergordon High Street will disappear along with the shops so then perhaps drivers, disabled, taxi or otherwise, can get a parking space instead of competing with shop owners who park as near to their own premises as they can, all day long.” (Offending drivers take note.)

“What about a constitution, funding, membership, the town’s decor and premises among other things?” I asked trying to slide sideways and escape her tirade. “Of course we will have a constitution but it will be marvellously simple and wide open for abuse, with the ability to make alterations to it at will. Funding should be no great problem after all RACE and Highland Council have flung public cash around in the town as if it was going out of fashion, no, funding is available to the right people.” She concluded. Then she grinned and suggested at the worst she could emulate one Highland Councillor and collect money by the bucketful on the High Street. At this stage I told her that her two local Highland Councillors, Carolyn Wilson and J. R. Connell had discretionary budgets most years for the benefit of the town. She shook her ponytail and narrowed her eyes as she appeared to calculate just how much dosh she could glean from them two. (Or did she mean them too?)

“Membership on the other hand,” she said, “Will be open to anyone living within a hundred mile radius of the centre of Invergordon's New High Street so it will be possible for interested people say from Saltburn, or even Alness, to become members, or even yourself she queried hopefully?” I explained that I would be loath even to join in an argument in Invergordon, but that did not put her off as she continued with her vision on the future décor of Invergordon.

“Yes a bit of modern painting would not go astray, after all it would contrast beautifully with the old-fashioned wall ‘murials’. I would like our group to provide Abstract Art along various streets of Invergordon this can be easily brought about using paint ball guns or even sloshing buckets of various coloured emulsion paint around.”

“Oh I forgot, premises, we could at a pinch use Nonie’s Lane, that is unless it is occupied by the supermarket staff having a sly puff before going back to work on the counters. Or perhaps RACE could spare a spare office for us to meet in now and again, I don’t know but it should not be a problem, I know,” she said as she brightened up. “The Art Centre is just the place now that the Community Council will have their own place in a few weeks time, so the arty folk will need another source for revenue.” At this stage I pointed out the so called Art Centre was in fact the Town Hall and apparently as the caretaker had been off work for months and months posters advertising events as far back as July were still on display in the two notice boards outside.

She thought for a minute as she studied the digital image then said, “Outdated posters would be the first step we could take in brightening up Invergordon, or even start a game such as Treasure Hunt to keep the cruise passengers amused if they come ashore, but what about the hall floor, is it kept clean?” I could see she was full of foolish ideas but who was I to disillusion her, or damp her enthusiasm for her plan to start an Invergordon Destruction Initiative? Nor could I answer her question on the state of the hall interior.

At the Invergordon Community Council Meeting on the 11th of January, Councillor Benny Mackay said , “What we want in this town is more, not less, unity”.

Your editor agrees it must be by democratic means the leadership must come from the Invergordon Community Council, the only elected body in the town. Otherwise it will prove more and more difficult for funding administrators such as the RACE Chief Executive Maitland Hyslop to have confidence in the umpteen self appointed factious groups, which at present are pulling in different ways. But there again that could leave extra RACE money for worthwhile projects in the town, such as demolishing that f- - king street!